Friday 11th September

A trip to the shops. Mother insisted on buying two pairs of inappropriately tight fitting trousers. When will she ever have occasion to wear them? Baby clinic perhaps? 

We stopped for coffee and cake and met with friends. The cafe had complete pushchair gridlock. Mother looked flustered in her standard uniform of jeans and long sleeved black tshirt and no make up. I didn’t fancy sitting in a highchair so did my best to backbreak while Mother tried to post my rigid and hostile frame in beneath the tray. It was a lost battle so once I had been strapped in I slumped against the side of the chair and did my best to look feeble and too small to be in such a contraption. It worked brilliantly, in under a minute I was on Mother’s lap. For the rest of our visit to the cafe I insisted on Mother giving me the option of a feed but was constantly distracted by the goings on of other customers. I distinctly heard Mother muttering on about ‘being forced to expose herself in public’. What a fuss about nothing.

Saturday 12th September

An introduction to fish pie. An elaborate dish that seemed to take forever to cook and seconds to eat. It seemed to bring on a shocking bout of hiccups that made me laugh but made Mother watch me with baited breath. I must say some were accompanied with a sort of fishy belching noise that were unpleasant to the nose and ear.

Spent a quiet evening on the sofa with siblings and Mother watching a low grade teen movie. I played happily with the lid to a deodorant can while Mother scoffed away a doughnut, packet of crisps and bar of Galaxy.

Sunday 13th September

Mother found a flea this morning. Poor Jarvis the cat is not her favourite member of the family at the best of times but as she would say ‘This is the icing on the cake’. Since my darling Jarvis got over his agoraphobia and has dabbled in visiting the outside world, his popularity in the household has dwindled. 

We visited Pets At Home where Mother had a long and over enthusiastic discussion with someone about flea spray without pesticides. I had a feeling Mother was slightly on edge today (she was scouring Ebay for cocktail cabinets this evening), she was quite short at times with the poor man. I however, had a chance to flap my arms at a parade of dogs and cats lined up for the vets. 

Jarvis has been combed and squirted with ointments. The house was hoovered to within an inch of it’s life and sprayed liberally with something that stank.

Pasta with garlic tomato sauce for supper. I am windy.

Monday 14th September

A morning with Father. We attended a fabulous session at Mini Monkeys gym. I had an absolute riot of a time. 

The session was great. I was the life and soul of the place. Although Mother breezed in towards the end at circle time, wafting her unmistakable scent of milk about the place and I fell to pieces. How will I show my face next week?

Spent an amiable afternoon with Mother and Father having a pub luncheon. The kitchen whipped me up a plate of mashed potato and carrot. I ate and then nodded off rather than watch them play backgammon. 

Pasta with chives and creamy cheese sauce for supper.

No fleas spotted this evening.

Tuesday 15th September 

Today was tip top. A lovely visit to a friend’s house, during which I was sick onto my own feet. I was hoping no one noticed. They did unfortunately. 

I then, along with Mother and Father, visited a place called ‘nursery’. Mother and Father sat on a sofa chatting to a lady and they both at times glanced over to me looking a bit bleary eyed and worried. They are strange sometimes. Luckily they buzzed off for a bit, I felt they were cramping my style. 

Chicken and red pesto for supper. Wowzah!

Wednesday 16th September

Mothers seems to think that I like my new baby walker, I don’t think I do really. She posts my legs through the holes, presses a few buttons and then says something along the lines of “I’m just washing up/hanging up the washing.” She always says it in a slightly manic, hopeful way too. Sit in my walker. I should cocoa. 

I had to endure the Bake Off ritual with Mother and Ruby this evening. Me and Jarv were bored out of our tiny minds.

Spaghetti with tomatoes, garlic and Parmesan for supper. Not the most thrilling dish.

Flea count, nowt.